I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t pen this today. It’s a travel site, but it’s a ready platform that I could use to share my current reflections.

A lot of my close friends and I grew up in similar backgrounds- Safe, happy, two parent homes where we were really shielded from some of the harsh realities of the world- as should be. But then adulting kicks in, and you realise that life is actually more challenging that you could ever anticipate in your growing years.

You spend years dedicating your time and energy to an employer; and then one day you’re out of work, lost about what to even think about when you wake up, when so much of your life was tied to work.

You conceive a healthy child, only to lose them as toddlers to a disease or an accident.

You lose friends to suicide.

You find yourself addicted to substances.

You discover shocking family secrets.

You welcome a child to the world with your spouse in a moment of such intense elation, and then spend the next seven years in court; from a divorce case to a custody one; begging for child visitation rights from the partner you spent years knowing, caring for, making love to.

And then there’s the news- Murder. Rape. Child abuse. Death.

Stay with me- This isn’t meant to be a gloomy post (Although to be honest, it is, a gloomy day)

I have observed that to deal with the complexities of life, everyone develops coping mechanisms- something to take the edge off when we’re bombarded with adversities. A lot of what we use to cope is acquired through observation, upbringing or experiments. Alcohol and substances will take the edge off. Conversations with a friend or therapist will. Exercise will. Sex will. Meditation will, and so will music. The options are as many as the hardships we face.

I have also observed that in the absence of a pre-determined coping mechanism, whatever presents itself in your moment of vulnerability, becomes very easy to take up. Gambling becomes exciting when you get a high from winning; providing reprieve from the grief you might be facing. I struggled to understand how one can start taking a substance they have never been exposed to, at 30 or 40 years of age, long after the experimental university years- and get hooked. More often than not, it started at a moment of weakness.

My thoughts then lead me to this question; What is YOUR mechanism? What’s the anchor that grounds you when life sways you like a dry leaf in the wind?

I’m an extrovert, with friends from very diverse belief systems. As a matter of fact, I used to fantasize about the idea of having a ‘circle of friends’, where all your friends are friends. I tried on several occasions to bring them together and each attempt resulted in micro-disasters that quickly killed that dream- And that’s alright. I know what value each one adds to my life and that’s what’s important.

It therefore comes as no shock that questions on my faith arise a lot- especially as that is a relatively new anchor for me. While I’m not one to throw around that I’m a practising Christian, I have found people’s reactions interesting. When I indicate that I’m late to a party because had to pass by church for a rehearsal, it’s often met with, ‘Ah, I don’t believe in church!’ or ‘Church is a scam/business!’ This is interesting because nobody reacts that way when I say I’m an architect. Not one person ever said, ‘I don’t believe in architecture’ or ‘Shopping is for losers’ if say, for instance, that I’d come from shopping.

The mary-jane gang (whose company I quite enjoy, really) will always try to bring up debates about the validity of religion, even when I shut down the conversation each time. My answer usually is, ‘It works for me but may not be for everyone.’ I honestly believe that. Is it a scam? Who knows?! It still works, for me. Is it just a business? Perhaps. It still works, for me. Is it the only thing or the most superior way to live? Probably not. It still works. For me. Now, and hopefully always.
And yes, I’m aware there are many intellectual writings disputing Christianity and religion in general. I once sat on the other side of the debate- challenging, analysing, defending.

Someone still needs to research the intersection between marijuana and religion-bashing, but I digress.

Chat GPT gives reasons why religion attracts such strong sentiments. There are people who have been deeply hurt by the church, or ‘religious people’. It also is seen to represent a value system, and so some may feel the need to clarify that they’re not a part of that system. Others may feel judged automatically.

I write this article in honour of two colleagues who have lost their lives to suicide in the last 4 months.

May we find our anchors.

Gacheri- akenyannomad@gmail.com